Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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