the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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