Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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