is your mom at the bar?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
