i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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