SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
