you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
