Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
