I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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