and you said cock pushups were impossible
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
