it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
