I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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