so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
