You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
