the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
