you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
