He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
