There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
