watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
