Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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