my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
