This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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