Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
