Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm getting married
To pizza
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
