ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
