dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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