i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize