i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
