So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
