I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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