I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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