I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize