perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
