Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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