He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
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No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
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I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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