My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
