We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
