just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
