do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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