They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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