Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
