i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The uberlube is also flammable
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
