i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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