I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.