My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
nutella sex= disaster
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.