I want to make a zoo with you.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
