Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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