You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
