You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
