She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
