At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
