K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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