Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
