Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
