I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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