Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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