dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you never un-have a 4some
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
