Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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