your parents love me but you hate me
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
