I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
