I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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