I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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