Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
