I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
