How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
