well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
