It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
