I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
there is puke in my bra ... again
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
