Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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