Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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