thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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