talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
