talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
