I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
