Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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