herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
