so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
